I've had 3 major, deep crushes;
the cowboy,
the soccer player,
the piano guy.
You know, the kind. The kind that you doodle their name on anything and everything. The kind that you make a complete fool out of yourself over and over again. The kind that if they asked you to do anything, no matter how crazy, you would do it. The kind of crushes that they write movies about, only in the movies, at the end they wind up together. The kind that lasts for years, (the cowboy crush began when I was four - he promised to buy me a pink pony). The kind that even if you had a boyfriend, and they came a long and asked you to be theirs, you would dump the boyfriend without a thought. They were the kind of crushes that were felt deep. I cried a lot about those boys, and I actually thought I could never be happy in life if I wasn't with "him".
Then I met Mike. with him, I felt calm. There was no sense of insecurity, no sense of inadequacy, no confusion, no questions period. When he put his arm over me for the first time when we were coming home from the YSA Guadalupe tubing trip, all the chaos in my head stopped. It was quiet, I felt peace. I know that sounds so strange, but there's no other way to describe it. It was right.
18 years ago today, we got married. I have never looked back, I have never wondered, "what if", I have never questioned my choice. Don't get me wrong, it hasn't always been easy. We've yelled, cried and laughed. We've had good times and bad, but we've gotten through, together.
So honey, thanks for the past 18 years. You are truly the love of my life, my very best friend. Thank you for putting up with me. Thank you for letting me be who I need to be. Thank you for loving me unconditionally. After all these years, you still are, "my sun, my moon, my stars," and I still "dwell in darkness without you.". Happy 18th Anniversary!
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Late night rambling
It's late. I've had a lot on my mind, and it tends to be therapeutic for me to put my thoughts down. Please forgive my rambling, but I need to get it out.
I've been faced with a lot of different challenges lately. It's been interesting to find out how many people that I care about seem to be struggling with different things too. Each of us seem to be going through our own things, be it financial, health, marital, family issues, internal struggles, etc. Some are even having to deal with multiple issues.
I believe that when I choose to come to earth, I knew that it would be hard. I knew that I would hurt, cry, feel pain, and suffer losses and that there would be days that would make me question my choices. I've had those days. My dad used to tell me, "Life isn't for sissy's.", and I think that's truly an understatement. It's hard! Sometimes it just plain sucks, and I wonder if I'm even going to make it through to the next day. There's even been a time when I didn't want to make it through, a time when I was ready to throw in the towel, and call it quits. Somehow, I made it through. I owe it to a good friend, a guardian angel here on earth.
Looking back, it's always been a good friend that's helped me get through those dark times. I've been blessed with many angels along this path of life. Good friends who've helped me in one way or another, more than I can count. I know the Lord truly knows me as an individual and that he knows what I would need in my life to help me through, besides my family & the Gospel. He knew that I would need earthly guardian angels.
I know there have been times that I've probably hurt some of these people, taken them for granted,or let them down. It's easy to look back and see it, but at times I've tended to get all caught up in myself, and been blind to it. I have a lot of regrets, because it's been these angels that I've been blessed to have crossed my path, that have been my balm, and I don't think I've really ever expressed my gratitude. There's been many, I would hope that you would know who you are. Thank you for blessing my life with your love and friendship. Thank you for your example, thank you for helping me to stay on the straight and narrow. Thank you for letting me be part of your family. Thank you for loving me in spite of my shortcomings. Thank you for accepting me even though I was so caught up in myself and seemed oblivious to your feelings. Thank you for forgiving me and being there when I needed you most.
There are those out there, who are quick to judge. Ready to make assumptions as to why we have made the choices we have made in our life. Those who will question the choices that we have made. Those who criticize what we have done, and are quick to tell us their thoughts as to why we may be suffering. I hope I'm not one of those. I hope I can be as unconditional in my love to my angels, as they have been to me. I hope you know that here, with me, you can find peace and solace. Calm in the storm. I will not judge. I will not criticize. I love you. I pray for you. I cry with you. Know that my heart is full of love and compassion because of all you have given to me. My prayer tonight is that we can all be better, that we can be an earthly guardian angel for someone who really needs us.
I feel compelled to leave some words of comfort, but not mine. Some of my darkest times, when I've turned inside of myself and away from everyone, I've been led to His words and been able to feel His love. I share with you my favorite scripture;
D&C 121: 7-8 ... peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;
And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.
The truth is, sometimes we need to cry. Sometimes we're going to hurt. Sometimes we will feel despair and darkness. But, it will be because of these times that we will come to truly appreciate the joy that is life. As for me, it's a life that is so much better because of my earthly angels.
I've been faced with a lot of different challenges lately. It's been interesting to find out how many people that I care about seem to be struggling with different things too. Each of us seem to be going through our own things, be it financial, health, marital, family issues, internal struggles, etc. Some are even having to deal with multiple issues.
I believe that when I choose to come to earth, I knew that it would be hard. I knew that I would hurt, cry, feel pain, and suffer losses and that there would be days that would make me question my choices. I've had those days. My dad used to tell me, "Life isn't for sissy's.", and I think that's truly an understatement. It's hard! Sometimes it just plain sucks, and I wonder if I'm even going to make it through to the next day. There's even been a time when I didn't want to make it through, a time when I was ready to throw in the towel, and call it quits. Somehow, I made it through. I owe it to a good friend, a guardian angel here on earth.
Looking back, it's always been a good friend that's helped me get through those dark times. I've been blessed with many angels along this path of life. Good friends who've helped me in one way or another, more than I can count. I know the Lord truly knows me as an individual and that he knows what I would need in my life to help me through, besides my family & the Gospel. He knew that I would need earthly guardian angels.
I know there have been times that I've probably hurt some of these people, taken them for granted,or let them down. It's easy to look back and see it, but at times I've tended to get all caught up in myself, and been blind to it. I have a lot of regrets, because it's been these angels that I've been blessed to have crossed my path, that have been my balm, and I don't think I've really ever expressed my gratitude. There's been many, I would hope that you would know who you are. Thank you for blessing my life with your love and friendship. Thank you for your example, thank you for helping me to stay on the straight and narrow. Thank you for letting me be part of your family. Thank you for loving me in spite of my shortcomings. Thank you for accepting me even though I was so caught up in myself and seemed oblivious to your feelings. Thank you for forgiving me and being there when I needed you most.
There are those out there, who are quick to judge. Ready to make assumptions as to why we have made the choices we have made in our life. Those who will question the choices that we have made. Those who criticize what we have done, and are quick to tell us their thoughts as to why we may be suffering. I hope I'm not one of those. I hope I can be as unconditional in my love to my angels, as they have been to me. I hope you know that here, with me, you can find peace and solace. Calm in the storm. I will not judge. I will not criticize. I love you. I pray for you. I cry with you. Know that my heart is full of love and compassion because of all you have given to me. My prayer tonight is that we can all be better, that we can be an earthly guardian angel for someone who really needs us.
I feel compelled to leave some words of comfort, but not mine. Some of my darkest times, when I've turned inside of myself and away from everyone, I've been led to His words and been able to feel His love. I share with you my favorite scripture;
D&C 121: 7-8 ... peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;
And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.
The truth is, sometimes we need to cry. Sometimes we're going to hurt. Sometimes we will feel despair and darkness. But, it will be because of these times that we will come to truly appreciate the joy that is life. As for me, it's a life that is so much better because of my earthly angels.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
She's 8 months old
I can't believe how quickly Sara is growing. It makes me so sad. I guess because I know she's our last and I've really cherished every moment. As sad as I am to see her changing, I love this time as she begins to really start showing her personality, when every day brings something new. The look on her face as she figures out each new little thing. Every day is an adventure. She is truly a joy to all of us. I think the most common thing said in our house is, "I love her!" She makes us smile, she makes us laugh, she warms each of our hearts. Her goofy little grin, how can you not love the little stinker?Here are a few of the changes this past month;
1. She began the month up on her hands and knees rocking, now she's "army crawling" all over the place. She'll occasionally crawl a bit on her hands and knees. This also means we have to be very aware of what's on the floor. More than once we've found her with a pine needle sticking out of her mouth.
2. She got her two bottom teeth, which also means she's been introduced to cheerios. She loves 'em. She loves any kind of big people food. She does not like peas or green beans (baby food).
3. She drinks out of a water bottle & can drink out of a sippy cup. Although now, you can't drink in front of her, she gets angry, she thinks it's hers.
4. She can clap her hands & will clap when you sing "patty cake". So cute!
5. She started pulling herself up in her crib & is now trying to pull herself up anywhere she can. She just did this for the first time a few days ago. She was so proud of herself. She started bouncing and jabbering. I wish I could have caught it on film.
I look forward to everyday, and try to imagine seeing the world through her eyes as she discovers everything around her. There's something about these little people so fresh from God. The curiosity, the excitement, the frustration of their limitations. It truly amazes me.
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